Yesterday was a rough day for me. Even though I’m optimistic about the month of June, I just had one of those days. You know, the kind of day when you feel like nothing good happened.
It all started when I went to the gym at 6 AM, only to discover one of the employees sitting outside the entrance. Not a good sign. When I walked up he told me that the girl with the keys wasn’t there yet and hadn’t answered her phone. Well, awesome. I did end up running outside and then doing a workout at home, but still. Not a great start to Hump Day.
Most of the day I felt lonely. It’s very easy for me to feel lonely because some days I’m at home all day and only leave to go to the gym. Copley and the tv are my best friends…during the day. If only Copley talked back.
I feel a little bit like Hit Me Baby One More Time. Man, I think I was in 5th grade when that song came out. Insane!
And, like Britney, I must confess that it’s really hard to be lonely. I’m an extrovert who loves grabbing coffee with girlfriends, heading to a workout class and then brunch, going shopping with my mom and sister, dining al fresco and just having people to call for a quick manicure. Of course, when we left Michigan, I was just starting to feel that I was getting friends. And we lived there 2.5 years. It’s only been 5 months in Germany.
Along with the loneliness, I’ve noticed that my OCD is getting worse. If I’m sitting on the couch and I see a piece of dust, I have to dust the entire apartment. If there are crumbs on the rug, I have to vacuum it. If there are any dirty clothes, I feel guilty not doing laundry. I feel guilty if I don’t go to the gym or not studying German if I’m watching the Housewives. I feel like I need to be doing something all the time. I can no longer relax.
If I put on my psychiatrist hat, I feel this way because I can control these things. I can control my workout habits, my meals, how clean our apartment is and how much TV I watch. I’m not worrying about how skinny I am or anything like that, don’t send me links to an eating disorder rehab. I have always been a control freak, admittedly. And a lot of things lately have been out of my control. I couldn’t really control our move because it wasn’t my job that brought us here to Germany. I feel out of control doing the simplest things because I don’t speak the language fluently.
Basically, this is a random rant. I just need to complain because it’s hard. I just feel alone sometimes. I know it’s normal. I know culture shock is a big part of it. I know I’m so lucky to have this once-in-a-lifetime experience. I am very lucky because I have a very supportive husband who lets me vent to him and tries to make it better. Life is like a circle, there are high times and low times. And sometimes I go around the circle in one day. And yesterday was that day.
If you’ve gotten to this point, thanks for reading! ‘Til tomorrow.
Happy Monday, my friends. And happy 500th post from me! It’s hard…
One of the things I didn’t think about before moving to Germany…